rock bottom

So, I know I haven’t written here in ages, but I have been in need for some thinking time. Too say the least. You see, the one thing I never hoped, or dreamed of, has happened to me. I never hoped, because it would make me rely on others, and I never dreamt of it because I never dared to, (and because I didn’t waned to, I mean, who do really want to fall for another person?) Well, there it’s out. I’ve fallen for this person, and that’s pretty much all you are to get to know about him, but I’ll let you in of some of my feelings.

You see, usually I am good at reading people, I don’t like to brag about it, and I usually never tell anyone, but it’s been a part of my life, for like forever, so I’m starting to get good at it… Except this one, (of course! I mean, how typical!) You like this guy, and he is maybe the only one you really can’t read that well, when it comes to his feelings… I guess you become blinded by your own feelings… unfortunately.

So, why am I writing this? To be honest, I’m not quite sure. I guess I just want to say that even an INTJ might fall in love. And that it’s not easy at all. Been feeling this way for a while now, and I still don’t dare to tell him. At all. I mean, that would be freaky. You put yourself in front of the gun and are asking another person to pull the trigger or not. Who in their right mind do that for the fun of it? Not me, that’s for sure. So, you might wonder about the plan I have from here – and yeah, of course I have one. My plan is actually to talk to him about it (!) – I know, usually I just suffocate in my own thoughts, but guess "the cliché", this one is different. I don’t know why he is, I mean, I can’t read him so it must be my feelings talking, which is a good enough reason to keep my mouth shut. But still, I kind of crave to tell him. And either getting shoot, or yeah; what the world do I do if he likes me? (Not that there are reasons why he should, but still…let me live in my own thoughts…) What the world do I do then? (…and all you F’s out there – don’t come and say; “then you enjoy it!”)

I don’t like people, and right now I don’t like me… Life might suck, but you haven’t hit rock bottom till you fall for one you can’t read… Believe me, I’m an INTJ.